There’s an interesting in Huffington Post about praise (‘good job!’) and its absence in (some? all?) waldorf schools. I do remember that there was never any praise, but had someone asked me, I hadn’t known why — I would have said that the times were like that or that, sentimentally, I didn’t deserve it (I never did). But perhaps it wasn’t only the times. (Or me.) I’m not sure if this approach to praise (or to not praising in the way it’s done elsewhere these days) was deliberate, but in the article, it seems to be. Instead the waldorf teacher says ‘thank you’ or something like that, that is, acknowledges the child in some other way. I don’t remember that either, to be honest, but maybe they did. (It can’t have made me feel seen.) But times were different, and I’m sure children weren’t treated in all respects in the same way they are today. Maybe the ‘good job!’-praise really has become commonplace and necessary almost everywhere.
Here’s a snippet from the article:
Authentic gratitude is enough of an acknowledgment to foster self-esteem without leading to the kind of dependency on others that “good job” seems to do. In saying “thank you,” a teacher says to a child “I see you. I see that you are doing something positive.” In an ideal world, that kind of acknowledgment is all that is needed for the seeds of self-esteem and self-confidence to take root and grow in a healthy, non-narcissistic direction. Children cultivated toward dependence on external praise through constant positive stroking are at risk for growing into poorly-adjusted adults who must always look to others for approval. They never have a chance to develop their own internal resources.
(I kind of like the idea, to tell you the truth.)
Diana — are you familiar with this thinking?
I am very familiar with it. One thing all (I say this without exception) in my experience of steiner educated men and women suffer the same levels of self-esteem problems. I noticed this with the kids so got the boy involved with karate, one girl in jazz ballet and the youngest in ballet. Once success started to flow, their collective self-esteem began to rise. Unfortunately, it was too late for my wife though she did try. Another thing I noticed at Christchurch steiner was the infidelity of the adults. I can only wonder if they need constant validation that they are beautiful people. They are of course leaders in the art of wandering round with their heads stuck firmly up their collective butts. They are also very naive. So these techniques do not appeal to me at all. Esteem is gained through work. You know you deserve it and guilt is not a part of it. It doesn’t mean I don’t like them all. But I feel sorry that they have succumbed to an obviously flawed life direction. Not trying to be offensive, just what I have observed.