Twitter reposts from May 24, 2009 for Thetis.

Mr Dog, or Herr Doktor Hund, as he wants to be adressed henceforth, has spent the day pondering cute fur girls and the Big Questions.

Attempting to solve the riddle of life, and to attract attention from fawning fans (ladies, ladies!!), Der Doktor Hund is now ready to…

…present to the world his new art of canine science: canineosophy. It’s very spriritual–discover your inner chew bone, folks–and complex.

Der Doktor Hund aims at reforming all aspects of life in a canine-spiritual way, enabling dog souls to reincanineate in ever higher forms.

It’s all about evolving as canines. The best canine souls, today, are born in the furry vessels of rat-catching lap-dogs.

Then there are dogs who look like dogs but are cats in dog form. Well, let’s forget them. Except that horrid Shi-tzu in the neighbourhood.

It’s an elaborate plan, don’t expect all dogs to understand it immediately. There’ll be hostility. The dog world can’t handle the truth.Yet.

Every aspect of life must be ensouled, or as Der Herr Doktor says, endogged. We have the pee-on-pee painting, e g, the endogged version of…

…spiritual art. It’s the canine soul element expressing itself on walls, bus-stops etc, all over town. Endogging the city, as we say.

There’s the special art of movement, the chase-the-imaginary-bunny movement. It speaks to the inner core of Dog Soul and the supersensible…

rat-like beings that inhabit the world. These can be experienced more directly by the initiated dog, who has advanced to a higher level…

…canine consciousness. The dog who has–through the application of canine science practice–developed a truly Spiritual Nose.

Tailwags, please. Der Doktor Herr Hund proposes that all 2-leggeds are forcibly subjected to caninosophical medical practices.

(To teach them one thing or two about the evils of vets, immunization shots, trimming of claws, etc.)

Puppies can be admitted to caninosophical puppy schools. (Informally known as indogtination centres.) There pups will learn to imitate…

…Der Doktor Herr Hund. It’s good for pups to be in awe of a real master, who has special canine insights, who already has the Nose…

There’s only one way to sing: like the siren of the fire truck. Everything else is abomination.

A clairvoyant canine guru or just a random crackpot… well, he does have a knack for attracting followers.

Yours for Spiritual Nose Wisdom,
Mr Dr Dog

Edit: What could suit this post better than to be accompanied by a phot of the icon, the guru, the spiritual master himself? heavenlydog

Look up to Mr Dog and sense his spiritual superiority!


Edit, Jan 1, 2009: Additional early canineosophy, posted on another blog (see).

truths mumsnet doesn’t want people to see

We were discussing the spiritual value of body parts. Mr Dog jumped in to explain canineosophical viewpoint to the mums. The thread has been deleted from mumsnet, but at the time it was active, somebody quoted mr Dog in an email, thus his wisdom hasn’t been lost, even though mumsnet clearly can’t be trusted to preserve it!

My dog says the nose is the most spiritual body part of all! Steiner was completely wrong! In fact, the nose is the earthly evidence of a Dog in heaven. Obey the Nose! Revere the Nose! The Nose rules!

context: (now defunct, but I ought to have the whole thread somewhere, it ought to be made available because it was really very funny.)


21 thoughts on “canineosophy

  1. I thought I could be top-dog until I read this post. Now I know I am too ma-tail-erised for the Higher Canineosophy. Of course there is the inner rabbit & the outer rabbit: twitching in sleep the sign that my dog is chasing the inner rabbit, spirit of the inferior corporeal one she couldn’t catch this morning.
    Dear Herr Doktor Hund, what is the authentic canine odour? Can it be fox? And can lurchers ascend through the breeds by sitting (uncomfortably) on two-legged laps?

  2. Now these are good questions. But, rest assured, Herr Dr Hund has never been out of answers!

    Herr Dr Hund replies: Meine Damen und Herren, being without a tail is the worst thing that can happen, ’cause the tail is, after the Nose, the place of Higher Canine Consciousness in the divine canine body. I gather that you are among the tail-deprived 2-legged people? Well, you are on a downward path, but here’s what you can do to ensure you’ll reincarnate in a better vessel next time. (Otherwise, you’ll reincarnate as a cat, and although they do have tails, those tails are not the right stuff–not the right stuff <–important!) You must work on your spiritual properties. Since you have no Tail, you poor wretched soul-less creature, there's but one thing you can do, 'cause you can't wag what you haven't got. Good deeds, you must do good dogified deeds–make a change in the world, help further caninekinds progress towards the next epoch. Make sure your friends with tails (and 4 legs, but not–not–cats, those are evil in disguise, ever heard of Catifer and Catiman? they thwart plans and make it hard for The Dog Impulse to work in the world!!), yes, make sure your tailwagging friends have lots of reasons to wag their tails! Tailwagging is important. Bones, treats, walkies, bunny-chasing, ice-cream, cakes, squeekie toys–those are enhancers of tailwagging.

    What will there be in return for you, you ask, but that’s just ’cause you’re still stuck in ma-tailerised thinking–better described as cat-tail-erised thinking, though. You don’t have much of a Nose either, I assume. Common predicament of today’s undogified world.

    Your problem can only be solved if you help those who are above you on the evolutionary path to evolve further. In this, you help yourself, or those remains of Dog Soul that may still lie dormant in you, despite your lacking Tail and a decent Nose. Maybe next time, you’ll get a Tail and a better Nose.

    What was the question now again…? Yes, yes, lap-sitting. Of course, you should always be available to 4-legged tailwaggers who need a lap to sit on. What were you thinking? Have you got no spiritual intuition at all? I tell you, I see problems. Don’t hope for 4 legs already in the next incarnation. You may never get more than 3. I don’t see potential. Your soul seems destined to exfurmination. Work work work!

    Make sure furry beings–not cats, I repeat, not cats!–sit comfortably on your lap. Preferably they should be munching on some treats.

    As Rudi, an inferior guru, wisely taught us, the scent world of a dog is largely incomprehensible to humans. Rudi:

    “That is why our sense of smell is inferior to the dog’s. And so you can imagine that when a dog runs over the fields, he finds everything terribly interesting; so many smells come to him that if he were able to describe it, he would say the world is all smell. If among dogs there were a thinker like Schopenhauer (see Note 15 ), he would write interesting books! Schopenhauer wrote a book called “The World as Will and Idea” — but he was a man and his organ of smell had become an organ of thinking. The dog could write a book called “The World as Will and Smell.” In the dog’s book there would be a great deal beyond the discernment of a human being, because while a human being forms an idea, a mental image of things, a dog smells them. And it is my private opinion that the dog’s book — if the dog were a Schopenhauer — would actually be more interesting than the book that Schopenhauer himself wrote!”

    This is, you see, why it is hard for me to explain to you what authentic canine odour is. You wouldn’t know it if it hit you in the face. You have not developed the Nose yet.

    I recommend this for you, though, in order that you develop a more Dog-like smelling behaviour, and thus may, eventually, be able to distinguish between the smell of a fox and a chihuahua.

    You should roll in all smelly things you can find. The more they stink, the better. I recommend various kinds of poop, fresh–rotten–different animals/humans and so forth, and carcasses. Carcasses preferably as rotten as you can find them. I know you probably have no fur to speak of, but you could always get clothes that are fluffy. Also, you should make sure not to forget to rub your head in all smelly things you locate. I hope you haven’t cut your hair short.

    Now it happens that Der Doktor Hund is hungry and his Wisdom has been temporarily inhibited by the call of the mighty stomach.

    Der Doktor Hund leaves stage. Audience yearns for more, deeper (bunny-hole deep) Knowledge Of the Doglier Worlds.

  3. I am unworthy. I will buy a wig, wear a sheep & attend more closely to the yawns & stretches of the Mrs Dogs with hopes of greater spiritual acuity. Thank you.

  4. It’s about the full experience. The growth of the canine soul in all its gloriousness. Tail, Nose, Stomach. Developing the whole Dog Spirit!

    We’re glad you see Wisdom when you encounter it! There’s hope for you! Show awe and reverence for your spiritual teachers, the mrs Dogs. They will lead you on the right path!

  5. Mr Dr Dog is busying himself writing down his dogtrines of wisdom. There will be at least 400 vol. This is a minumum for a spirital leader whose every word is worthy of attention.

    For the beginners, there will be, of course, Caninosophical Leading Thoughts and An Introduction to Caninosophy.

    For the more advanced Dog Souls there will be ouvres containing more advanced stuff. We’re talking about, e g, stuff that would chock the general reader ’cause of the quality of the Truths revealed. The Guardian of the Treshold kind of stuff isn’t for beginners, frankly. Not for puppies either. (Mr Dog himself has met with the Guardian. (No, it wasn’t a rottweiler or a pitbull, don’t fall for the delusions of dog phobics.) It happened, actually, when he fell down the bathroom floor drain. But more than that will not be told to the undogifiated.)

    There will be lecture-/book titles such as (small selection!):
    The Mission of Individual Dog Breed Souls,
    The Universal Dog,
    The Catimanic Deception,
    Puppies in the Age of Light,
    Truth, Furiness and Dogness,
    Dogosophy of the Chew-bone-ian,
    Universe, Earth and Dog,
    Spiritual Science and Bark,
    Dog and Canine,
    Supersensible Dog,
    From Dog to Canine,
    Earthly and Cosmic Dog,
    The Work of Secret Cat Clubs,
    And The Dog-House Becomes Dog,
    The Study of Dog,
    Spiritual Ground of Education of Puppies,
    The Education of Puppies in Light of Caninosophy,
    The Son of Dog and the Son of Two-legged Nobody,
    The Invisible Dog Within Us,
    The Hidden Depths of Bunny Holes,
    Buried Chew Bones of Soul Life,
    Canine Dogtrines and Supersensible Nose Influenses,
    The Tail,
    The Dead Dogs Are With Us,
    Curative Bunny Chasing,
    Cosmic Forces and Dog,
    Cosmic Ego and Dog Ego,
    Course for Young Dogtors,
    Snoopy, Fighter For Freedom,
    The Riddle of Dog.

    Of course, let’s not forget, there’s going to be an autobiography. A best-seller, no doubt. Will be studied by generations of caninosophists.

  6. Mr Dog also twitches in his sleep and gives off muffled barks. Particularly after fun-packed days. The fun seems to follow him to the spirit world of sleep and dreams.

  7. Hahaha! That’s my kind of fun, the book! Genial!!

    Mr Dog says that lapinosophy sounds like a conspiracy aiming at overthrowing a future caninosophical world rulership! Be careful, very careful! That’s why those bunnies dig holes in the ground. Undermining society!! We are under threat! Now is the time to know the truth–caninosophy!

  8. I think the Herr Doktor rabbit is called bunnikins…
    He is cunningly silent so far.

  9. Bunnikins!?!?! There are no doctor rabbits! Bunnies don’t have the brains!/Dr Dog.

    (I’ll tell you a secret. When mr Dog goes see his 2-legged granny in the country house, he eats from a bunny plate. A bowl decorated with Peter Rabbit munching on a carrot.)

  10. He is eating the spiritual carrot in a little blue jacket. (lettuces of course are soporific.)

    I have a dilemma. Whenever I google ‘canineosophy’ for guidance, I meet reams of stuff from someone called ‘Lune Beachball’ or ‘TheFlea’ who seems to have an opinion on every aspect of the Herr Doktor Hund’s work. Can he be trusted? Or is he an elaborate joke?

  11. (Yes, Peter Rabbit is so cute, isn’t he? I also ate from Peter Rabbit china when I was a kid. And now mr D does too. Funny. Mum got new china for him, though, because I had broken the bowl of the china set. Still have a mug and a plate from the original Peter Rabbit wedgewood set–made in the UK!)

    Well, this Lune Beachball sounds like a total airhead. We’ll have to purchase some anti-flea poison. The problem will certainly be solved.

    Tell me, is this Beachball meddling with canineosophy articles on wikipedia too?

    Mr Dog is worried.

  12. This chap lurks on wiki peeing on dissent. He has it appears an idée fixe about canineosophy and cannot be shaken off however many teeth a dog gets into him.

  13. But remember! The Almighty Dog in Heaven has an infinite number of teeth. And he is omnipresent and omnipotent. Dog knows this fleas soul. We think this will be sorted out, sooner or later. Sooner preferably, but later will do.

    /Dr D, with a limited number of teeth available in this incarnation.

  14. We’re proud and pleased to see Caninosophy is spreading internationally.





    Developments in the field of caninosophical medicine was first announced on the fine esowatch blog. The heeler dogs are an important advancement in the knowledge of the whole Dog–nose, tail and that which is in between nose and tail. They will provide methods for heeling without toxins, antibiotics and other evil products that disturb the dogly etheric body.

    Have faith in your new spiritual leader, and you shall be heeled–without antibiotics! Trust the medical expertise of the heeler dogs! They have been trained in the occult sciences and have developed methods that are natural and without side-effects. Heeler pups are born all the time, destined to meet the needs of humanity.

  15. Damen und Herren! Look at this stunning discovery! Is it a friend or a foe, what is it?! True or untrue!? Deliberate deception or a genuine discovery of truth?
    “La caninosophie
    ‘Et voici encore une gentille anecdote du ‘Docteur-Chien’, comme on avait surnommé le fidèle Pschulek , le chien d’un des membres, car il accompagnait toujours le ‘Docteur’ et n’acceptait de monter en voiture qu’après s’être assuré que Rudolf Steiner lui-même y eût pris place. Un jour Rudolf Steiner déclara à ce compagnon fidèle: ‘Pas vrai, Pschulek , qu’un jour tu fonderas une caninosophie?’.

    (Fred Poeppig, à l’endroit cité précédemment p. 79)”

    I do not believe what my eyes are seeing!! This is some serious stuff!Who invented caninosophy? Maybe Pschulek’s dogly soul has reincarnated in mr Dog!

    We are shocked beyond belief.

  16. Pingback: pschulek « zooey

Comments are closed.