It seems that spring has been cancelled, or at least postponed. But the harsh sun is there, chasing my eyes or so it feels. I’m waiting for some improvement, for the green foliage of trees. But temperatures are still below zero — often a lot below, -10 in the evening, perhaps -5 during the day. (It’s unusually cold, they say. And I believe them.) Winter is a lot of fun. In december. Four straight months of snow, ice, cold — not so much fun anymore.
So I’m looking at summer photos. I think this weather a good enough reason.
It hasn’t been such a great week. I’ve been feeling irritated. I’ve been unable to do anything useful, which makes me even more irritated. It’s a truly bad circle of being irritated, when irritation feeds more irritation. I had nightmares. Then, yesterday, a man sat down next to us on the bus and started to pull on mr Dog’s tongue. You’ll think that was one of the nightmares, but no, it happened in reality. We were completely taken aback. Luckily, mr Dog didn’t bite, because he’s patient with stupid two-legged people.
And I’ve gone quite tired of running the blog. I try. And I try convincing myself that my interest in it will return, but perhaps it won’t. I hate moderating comments, too, but I couldn’t have it the way it was last fall. I hate getting complaints; it will do no good, so don’t complain, don’t comment, don’t instigate other people to comment — I’ll have none of it. But I guess there’s reason to suspect that moderating comments killed the vitality of discussions, if it didn’t actually kill the potential for discussions altogether. It’s not easy to know. Didn’t want it to be the way it was — not a place for loons, trolls or people who thrive on instigating fights –, but I don’t want it this way either. We’ll see. I’m not going back to unmoderated comments, that’s for sure.
I don’t know if it’s just one thing about the blog — I guess it’s more likely all of it, everything. I thought I was getting something out of it, and perhaps I did. Or perhaps I didn’t. The painful realisation that, possibly, it’s all been useless. A waste. Especially now that I see it die down, wither away. I wonder if it was ever worth it.
I suspect that I must have been imagining that all those wasted hours were not my life slipping away from me.
Anyway. There are some random scraps of news, which I reluctantly report (because they’re either boring, which means I don’t want to blog them, or sad):
Apparently some Steiner schools in the UK are still striving to obtain state funding within the free school scheme, but are meeting opposition. Meanwhile, a former student made himself known for holding some obnoxious opinions. Apparently, he’s also a star in some British tv series, Coronation Street, with which I’m unfamiliar. (Not sure it’s ever aired in Sweden, but don’t ask me, I’m a television ignoramus.) I’m certain he will be a star on all those lists of famous former waldorf students. Or perhaps he’ll be rejected — like those other former waldorf student celebrities who were appreciated as poster children only as long as they didn’t do anything stupid or unflattering and became known also for the wrong reasons. I guess that’s the problem with relying on the famous. They aren’t reliable. But please continue. Being celebrity crazy is so unappealing that I’m sure waldorf will scare away some people who are repelled by shallow celebrity culture. And whose first wish for their children is not that they become soap opera stars or television weather girls. Or whatever.
A teacher, who had been teaching in a public waldorf school in the US, wrote a letter to the school board saying that her conscience forbid her to remain a teacher at the school, and she had to leave. She felt she had become the employee of a cult, and forced to take part in things she couldn’t accept. Read her letter. That’s what happens when people find out how it works and when they — teachers, parents or even students — have not entered with their eyes open and fully informed. As far as I understand, the school must have been transformed from an ordinary public school into a waldorf school while she worked there, although it isn’t entirely clear. What is clear, I suppose, is that she wasn’t an anthroposophist.
In tragic news, an old cow barn belonging to a biodynamic farm in Järna burned down to the ground early today together with the adjacent dairy. 70 cows perished in the fire, which is now being investigated as a suspected arson (which I believe is more or less routine in such circumstances, and I really hope it isn’t arson, because such a cruelty is unimaginable). I’ll miss the cheese. And I’ve been thinking about the agony of the cows all day. Here are a few surviving calves, who are incredibly adorable. Not many animals survived, but a few heifers were lucky not to be in the barn, if I understand it correctly, and they survived (along with those calves, I assume). All the dairy cows are gone.